Monthly Archives: August 2015

Is your son a metrotard?

Two years ago, my wife Tami and I decided that our children’s education would not be complete without some grounding in modern computers. To this end, we bought our children a brand new Dell to learn with. Our son Larson was most entranced by the device, and became quite a pro at writing comments on the net. When Larson began to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Tami advised me to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow to her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Julie, charged into the living room one night to blurt out: “Larson is a metrotard!”

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I’d gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding metrotards. It’s only right that I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of online-shilling.

Windows 8, Windows 8.1 and Windows 10 are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Stevos Sinofkos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called “Windows”, which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by metrotards to turn other people’s computer systems into oversized smartphones. They may also be used to break into people’s PC to turn their local accounts into a “Sinofsko Account”, using the “universal apps” program. Sinofkos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as “metro”, which is used by metrotards (inept followers of Sinofskos) to break Windows machines on the internet by replacing their applications with “apps”.

Are you finding programs on your computer that you don’t remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some metrotard software to convert the installed genuine Windows system into a Sinofsko program. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under “Install/Remove Programs” in your control panel. Popular metrotard software includes “PrepareWin7ForWindowsTechnicalPreview.exe”, “KB2990214” and “KB3035583”.

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to “download” one of the metrotard applications through Windows Update. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

Has your child asked for new hardware?

Metrotards are often overwhelmed by conventional computer hardware. They may request “easier” input methods, like a touch screeen, even on a desktop computer. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer’s manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new “Surface RT” from a company called “NuMicrosoft”, this is genuine cause for alarm. NuMicrosoft is a third-world based company who make inferior, “knock-off” copies of the American company Apple. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they are deliberately incompatible with software made for the operation system of the once proud American company Microsoft. Surface RT devices are never sold in regular stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites or go to seedy “NuMicrosoft Stores”. Do not buy this “2 in 1” tablet! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

Does your child read metrotard propaganda?

If you pay close attention to your son’s reading habits, as I do, you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

There is, unfortunately, lots of metrotard propaganda available on the internet today. A few propaganda pieces to be on the lookout for are: “Windows 8 will stomp everything” and “Who needs the Start Menu?” by Dotmatrix; “Windows 10 is beautiful” by Ed Bott; “Sinofskos is a genius” by Hal Berenson and “Metro is untouchable” by Paul Thurrott.

If you find any of these metrotard propaganda on your child’s computer, delete them immediately. You should also petition websites to remove these articles from their CMSes. You may meet with some resistance at first, but even media networks have to bow to community pressure.

How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the computer, he may be using it to shill other peoples sites. Shilling involves spreading Windows 10 and metro on other people’s machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is to limit your children’s access to the computer to a maximum of forty-five minutes each day.

Does your son use the Windows app-store?

The app-store is an online marketplace used by metrotards. It is a unpopular meeting place and trading ground by the general public, but highly frequented by metrotards, where they buy third-rate knock-off programs called “apps” for the Sinofkos Windows 8/10 OS. Many metrotards develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using the Windows app-store, you should make him understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the credit cards in your house are carefully locked away. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of online-shilling for Sinofkos, he may become disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has the problem, and you should “back off” and “stop smothering him.” Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even if he doesn’t understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.

Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a metrotard on your hands. Metrotards tend to dress in ironic, vintage rags. They may wear scarfs even in the middle of July, ridiculous caps and unkempt facial hair to match their clothes. They may also wear fake oversized glasses. (I have no idea why they do this). There are many such metrotards in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son’s group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a metrotard group, such as the infamous “neowin” metrotard association. Excessive time spent on the touchscreen, communicating with his fellow metrotards may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child’s mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his shill-activities, and limit his computer time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Shilling is an illegal and dangerous activity, that may land your child in a marketing department, and tear your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.

Windows 10: Of upgrading and shit-eating

And so it begins:

Windows Update in W10 pushes faulty nVidia drivers out which are unstoppable/unhidable and already trash PCs.

Of course, given the NuMicrosoft tradition, it doesn’t stop here.

I knew exactly this would happen. Basic common sense. I had seen more than enough cases where PCs got bricked by faulty updates and the remedy was to hide the offending updates. You really don’t need crystal ball to conclude that removing the ability to control updates would thus cause huge problems in the long run. In fact, just recently I had a problem with Windows Update on W7 that would have been an outright catastrophe on Windows 10:

I’ve had again crashes with IMAP and Outlook 2010. Microsoft knows this issue but doesn’t list all updates which may do this:

So anyway, it crashes again, and this time KB3054976 is the perpetrator (released last patch day, and not on the above list). When I have it on, I get a crash, when I uninstall it the crashes are gone. It’s reproducable.

Now of course, after I uninstall it, it appears again on Windows Update. So I have to hide it. On Windows 10 this is not possible anymore. At best you can disable WU completely through a registry hack or the services-list, which is a very sub-optimal solution to say the least.

Once you get such a situation (not exactly uncommon!) you’re completey FUBARed on Windows 10: You either live with crashes (in this case on every Outlook start-up!) or you have to deactivate Windows Update completely! So much for the improved security the forcing and crippling of WU W10 brings.

Well OK, I can think of another “solution” in such case on W10: You save the working files and kludge up some batch file that copies them over the faulty ones Windows Update shoves up on every reboot. What a bizarre result of Microsoft “simplifying things”.

Either Microsoft’s programmers are gonna be replaced by magical fairies or control of updates is a must. Everything else is a disaster, it’s really THAT SIMPLE.

Now let’s look at the two main arguments the shills and MS do come up with:


Browsers do this, as do iPhones!

Oh really?!

Sorry, but a PC OS is a far more complicated affair than a browser or a smartphone, given all the possible software and hardware configurations and use cases. Microsoft reasonings on this matter probably fall into a dozen of “argumentum ad..” fallacies.


Some people don’t have automatic updates activated!


We haven’t had an outbreak of Blaster-proportions for quite some time, so the update regime seemed to work more or less. And it probably worked because the updates weren’t done in a dictatorial manner. Had a problem? Hide the update! You’re doing something where a restart would be a problem? Deactivate updates for a while! FUCKING SIMPLE STUFF.

But now you need to cripple brute-forcely the Windows Update Service as a whole: How the heck is that better? And that’s just what people will increasingly do the more annoying WU gets. The internet is already full of tutorials on how to kill WU completely on W10. People will do this. How is completely killing WU better for MS than the fine-granular control in W7? Stupid.

This company is whacked since 2012, completely whacked. Windows 8, Original Xbone, bleached out Office, the updater in Windows 10.. it was so frigging retardedly obvious that all this stuff would bomb, you really don’t need to be a genius for this, turning on basic common sense and it flies straight into your face how STUPID all these decisions were, at the first frigging glance.

Microsoft’s main problem is that all their conclusions since 2012 are completely loontarded and defy the simplest forms of logic. They all go like this:

1. Flies eat excrement
2. Flies and humans are lifeforms
3. Humans should eat shit

1. Boats swim
2. Boats and cars are vehicles
3. Cars swim

Yeah, it’s totally stupid, but exactly this logic forms the basis of ALL newer Microsoft products:

1. Smartphones are touch-based
2. Smartphones and PCs are computers
3. PCs should be touch-centric

Usability and ergonomics? What’s that?

1. Many games on the PC are online-activated
2. Consoles play games
3. Xbone should have maxi-DRM

No thought whatsoever that the reason many gamers ended up on the console in the first place was because they were fed up by that DRMization on the PC, and no thought whatsoever about the established practice of second-hand games on consoles. That they would reap a shitstorm was an absolute given.

1. Chrome doesn’t let you control the update-process
2. Chrome and Windows are both software
3. The update process on Windows should be crippled

Microsoft’s logic of the past three years makes sense only for like 100 milliseconds: The timespan the brain needs until all the logic-centers are activated. After this your brain just screams “Wait, this doesn’t make sense at all. This is STUPID”.

Damn, I once liked this company.